Fear & Loathing

I think my biggest fear is death. Not of death itself, but the idea that it is floating around in obscurity waiting to bring everything you love to an end. Many people have managed to leave an influence that carries beyond them. In fact, outside of fortune, fame and family, global influence is what most of us strive for. The aforementioned pursuits can even be considered means to that end or even representations of that success.

I've missed a lot of opportunities that I didn't deem worthy of my time or focus, because I didn't realize how they could benefit my growth. I picked up a small piece of wisdom from somewhere random, probably Twitter. "We only regret the things we didn't try." The quote is erred, due to generalization. However, there is no pain like retrospecting on lost moments which could have defined your life.

Mother told me that anger can cloud your vision. Avoiding outlets for your anger can lead to insanity. Compound that with anger at oneself: hemlock in the bones.

There's nothing to fear but fear itself. It seems people are afraid of being cowards. Maybe that anger is the reason to drink the cup.

"After all, it's MY cup." (c) Lil Wayne

"O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt." (c) Jesus

Reminder to Self: I asked for this.

Discipline

This is a word that's been heavy on my mind lately. Along with habit, attitude, inspiration and perception. I've been taking inventory on these values of my life. There's been several times where I've come up with new schedules, etcetera, and find that I soon lose interest. I never treated these as failures, but experiments building experience.

As the plan unfolds, it becomes necessary that I maintain this level of excellence in all my pursuits. At the same time, I must be at peace with what is out of my control. Mastering the small hills, the mountain is soon scaled. The first of these is fear.

"Get Off Yo' Ass!"

The first part of solving a problem is to admit you have one.

I have a problem. A myriad of them actually. Social networking has killed my ability to express myself in extended form. This is not a good thing when you're trying to be a lyricist/emcee/author. I didn't want to be a blogger. They tend to be over-opinionated entities that hold any and every thing to unreasonable standards of an abstract value system. They are over-emotional people who run to keyboards to resolve issues through slander and libel. They are attention whores who'll die to be famous for anything, while bearing no intrinsic talents or skills. They are a symptom of our sickness.

However, in my pursuit of Chairmanhood, I've realized that maintaining an organized mind requires organized functions and releases in the physical realm. It would behoove me to format a disciplined release for the alchemical process of my mind. So I'll be blogging from here on out. If I disclosed my end goal in this, it would make the blog twice as long, so I won't try. Let's start walking this out...